Wednesday, April 30, 2014

I have spent the last few days trying to make this blog not look so drab. I get frustrated and give up. I haven't worked with Blogger in sooooo long! Of course I am going to school and I am actually almost done with my degree in Web Design. I love web design, but it was actually a second choice for me. My first choice has always been writing. I just never considered it as a 'job' because I don't feel that I am great at it. I have made a living writing the last few years by writing as side jobs, but I still don't see myself as a writer. I always compare myself to others and feel my writing does not live up to those around me. I shouldn't feel that way, but I think in a way we all feel that way.

I have been trying all week to motivate myself again. I have had a rather rough start to the year 2014. It started in January when I had to have my gallbladder removed by emergency surgery. I had never had a problem with it up to that point. Then about 5 weeks ago I fell and broke my foot. I had never had a broken bone up that point either. I feel like I am falling apart. Before all this I was motivated and writing as a side gig to earn money. Now I can't seem to find that drive that I had before. I guess you could say I am depressed and trying to find my way out of it. I have always struggled with depression and anxiety but over the last few years it has been worse than ever.  It does not help that I am overweight (majorly overweight) and have low self-esteem because of it. I have never been this heavy and I am having a hard time losing it. I had plans of walking when it got warm but the whole broken foot thing kind of did that in. 

So, here I am having a pity party for myself and wishing I could just snap out of it! I just don't even know where to begin!

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